Why out of all that I know, it has to be you?
What is my response supposed to be?
Your choice, cos its your life.

And indeed, June holidays is coming to an end.

Embraced, recharged. Move on.

Am I immune to this horrible neglected, shunned aside feeling?
Or have I chosen to persuade myself that all of these are just my wayward thoughts?

I do declare that friends are my infinite source of motivations each time I'm struck. Their company is where I find myself recharged after feeling exhausted from all the mundane life cycle that I go through.
But what do I do, or how am I suppose to cope when I feel that my energy bars are running out?

Its so much like a sugar rush effect. When I'm tired, when I feel so encouraged to break down, I take gulps of red bull. Energized by the sugar rush effect, I continue my routines. But when the sugar rush effects wears off, I find myself worse off than initially. Should I have not taken those gulps of red bull?

I really miss those days when we're stuck in Deyi. We may not be the best school in town, but I believe the friendships and company are the best I can ever ask for in my life. I regret, I regret not paying enough attention to my friends, not dedicating enough of my time to them. Well, at that very moment, I may have thought I was doing enough. But thinking back now, it's more of quantity than quality.

Embarking on a new journey ahead.. Lifting my first foot, hesistating if I should step into this self proclaimed torture. Before my foot hit the road willingly, a strong force pushed me into all of it. I don't have a choice. I just had to carry everything out, just as I am supposed to.
Hence, I entered MJC, not knowing a single one there. Telling myself, I'd probably be able to find friends easily in a new environment. And of course, I really bothered to keep in contact with probably those who mattered a world to me. Unknowingly, I realised that I've actually walked through a quarter of hell, with buckets of sweat and bins of soaked tissues.
And now I ask myself, what's real to me?

Lately I've been thinking alot, much about what and how I'm going to drive this plain torture until it hits a brightly litted street.
Celine, what do you really want in life?
I ever once promise myself that in future, I would not seek for fortune, because I don't want to be best friends with those coloured papers. I remember myself sharing this with my mum, I told her. I will find a group of friends that would last until I die. With them, I don't have to worry whether I would get attached. I could still remember the smile on her face, she just replied me, my dear that's only when you can find them. Confidently, I assured her that I'll find myself sitting in a coffee shop with my dearest friends chatting when I'm 50 and they will also be the ones present when I'm on my deathbed. And even if friends don't exist, I told her I have my cousins.

Such pride and confidence I have in myself. A few years ago, I found a need to re-evaluate this speech. My cousins left me. Hence, once again, I tell myself I'll have my inexhaustible loving friends beside me till the point that I'm called to leave the world.

With half a pill of faith left in me, I swallowed the harsh cold fact. Slowly getting over how I've lost my dearest cousins. The ones I've grew up with and knew best about. With that half a pill of faith, I thought I could conquer the rest of my life.

And tonight, I sense the need to re-think about my speech again. Before I start thinking of how to say it, maybe I'll first like to know what's real in my life.
The tangible, the intangible. The right-before-my-eyes, the diminishings.

My love, my best friends, my good friends, my friends, my acquaintances.
Maybe it was just all hallucinations.

the june break is finally here! :D

guess that sounds like a joyous matter worthy for a champagne. but the school seemed to have misinterpreted the meaning of a holiday, hence, its stained. we have extended lectures, we go to school like poly students for this extra days, teachers book the class for extra tutorials.

well, it still sound pretty relaxing, and at least, we're not required to wake up at 6 every morning. but on top of it all, our first day of holidays started with a huge bang! every year ones very first official paper in MJ. Gp MYE. after which, we are supposed to go for our end of term II bash.

and as usual, the school have either misinterpreted the meaning of a bash or they have named this event wrongly. the bash ended up being visiting ancient civilisation museum, followed by watching monster vs alien in lido. wow! I would have given up the bash for such an amazing tour -.-!

My body finally decided that, hey this isn't how I should be spending this crucial June break. As such, I fell sick on Monday night. Obtained a MC, and tadaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I've not been in school since the end of Monday. Kudos to my great immune system, it has chosen to fall sick at the right time. I've been slacking at home, doing nothing but to eat and sleep. Never had I felt rested enough. Thanks, I love myself more now.

Have to go down to school tmr. For something that I'd rather get to know from a third party. The announcement of our exco positions. It wouldn't surprise me if I don't get it. Cos after last friday, 29th May, I've already told myself that that's it. I've tried, I've done what I could. But if she would to get it, I'd be utterly shocked and disappointed.
Let's see whether is it a surprise or an already anticipated outcome awaiting for the team.

My very first semi-finals I've been to in my soccer career.
My very first time entering Jalan Besar Stadium.
My very first time crying for a match that I did not play.

Before having lunch, we watched a video. A summation of mainly the year2's journey thus far. Tho we were not part of it, but we were definitely touched by all who made it possible for us to come so far. Namely our coach and the teachers-in-charge. Being reminded that coach's stay in our team is dependent on today's match. We were even more determined that we had to win!

In that changing room, we roared. We promised to play our v best. We promised to never give up. Shouting- FINALS, HERE WE COME! Even out at the field, we still had that phrase ringing in our ears. Again and again, we screamed we roared.

SA being always in our half, posed us great trouble. By half time, we barely had even 1 scoring chance. Watching the players lie flat on the pitch, I thought it is going to be a replay of VJ's match. They went in, played even better than the first half. Many shed blood, literally! Yet quickly brushing the blood on their faces away, afraid that the referee would send them out. Many sprained their ankle, limping away in the field chasing after the ball. When coach wanted to sub them out, their argued so badly just to be able to continue playing.

By the whistle that we termed heavenly, the referee told us we were given 10-10 extra time. This would mean our bleeding, injured players had to carry on defending for another 20 min. This time round SA was still hyped up and always trying to score. But for every ball that SA shot, there was a meridian body to block it.

The whistle blew. SA cheered. MJ kept slient. Penalty shootout, something that we knew we had a disadvantage over SA. One by one. They shot. Keepers dived. 3-4

We lost.
We lost our chance to enter finals.
We lost our team target.
We were so close, so close.

RIJC vs MJC, 22nd May, Jalan Besar Stadium.

now thinking that in 2 more weeks it'll be over, and it'll be farewell for seniors. I feel the butterflies in my stomach. I've not much idea when did I started feeling attached to the individuals in the team. Each and everyone inside the team taught me many valuable lessons in this short period of time. Gosh, believe farewell would be a really teary and crappy event that most of us dread.

yes, 2 weeks. MSG is left w 2 weeks to prove our worth. tho we've lost to VJC (which is indeed a stronger team), we would press on in the seasons. :D coming tues, SEMI-FINALS against SAJC. if we win them, we'd be through the semis going onto the finals. YES, FINALS!

Guess apart from soccer, there's nothing good to blog about. Leaving studies and results out of the picture, my college life is indeed an enjoyable journey thus far.

Moved on.

was just lying on the bed, and started thinking where and how would I be 5 years from now. had lived a countable no. of years in my life, preferably hoping that it would stop at 16, cos that's when I felt really happy.

5 years from now,
I may be preparing to finish my thesis, getting ready to do my last set of exams fer my entire life.
or maybe, I'm buried under the tonnes of project work poly gives.
or maybe, I managed to stumble pass my As but not get anywhere and decide to do my degrees abroad.
who knows if I might be already lying in the coffin or hospital bed. Ha!

the many random possibilities, or rather uncertainties.
where will I be, what will I be doing, how will I be doing and so on have kinda bugged me fer the past hour. and honestly, since I've start college, I haven't figured out my plan on where I'd wanna go and what would I wanna achieve in this 2 short years.

in 3 weeks time, it would be June holidays, which also means GP MYE.
how long ago was March holidays? I wonder.
it seems like other than being chased out of class and getting reprimanded for all the assignments that I've left undone, I've accomplished nothing.
Soccer would be the only event that stood out in this entire term. But guess what, I've not taken part in Nationals at all. Honestly, which team would have use their second choice keeper. So I'll just be at the side line, watching watching watching, until the whole season end.

Occasionally thoughts such as, how i wish they step down, how i wish i can play, how i wish i was the first keeper, would struck me. But at the end of the day, I'm glad I'm under the wings of my seniors, well-protected and cared for by them. For they really taught me sportsmanship, and inspired me with their passion for soccer.

Long and lengthy post. Sums up my whole term 2.

Boy I wouldn't mind.

Mj v Tj : 3-0
Mj v SR : 1-0
Mj v HCI : 1-0

Victory has been on our side fer the past 3 weeks, hopefully the next 2 as well. Before we are assured of our place in the Semi-finals, we'll work as a team, and fight the war well :D

Since the start of CCA, soccer had been the highlight of my college life. Got used to watching sunset with the team, showering together, then heading home when the night falls.

Besides soccer, CELINE HAVE COMPLETED HER PI! :D READY FER FINAL SUBMISSION! HURRAY! haha.

I think so.

I ponder over the fact if you'll ever get to know all of this.
Celine still loves you.

It all started with "sure by all means".

CELINE IS IN AN EXTREMELY HORRIBLE MOOD!

I do hope that I can cry out right in front of you, to tell you everything that have happened today.
I do hope that I can be embraced in your arms, to seek fer the comfort I need to ease the pain.
I do hope that I can hear your voice, whispering those lil nothings just to make me feel glad.
I do hope that I can see your face, cos that's just all I ultimately want.
And as it states, I do hope. I do hope that whatever I have just hoped fer, would come true. Not in the near future, but right now.

Had a lousy day at soccer today. I totally had no idea why each time the ball comes to me, I just stared at the ball and stunned. Lagged and woohoo, I conceded yet another goals. JUMP CELINE, JUMP! Damn it, whats with you today!

Yes, I've been too caught up the all the thoughts.
Yes, I've been wanting to get away from civilisation so much that I want to just vanish from the world.
Yes, I've been rude, I've been mean, I've been all a bitch would be.
I'm stressed out, really really stressed.
You don't get me, don't condemn me. Just leave me alone, not that I would stand right in front of you and block your way. I may be grouchy, easily irritated by loud noises, but I dare swear I wouldn't have done so to you, if you hadn't chose to bug me.

Kickoff match is starting on next next Wed.
No more conceding of goals?
No more nonsense thoughts in the field?
No more mistakes?
WAKE UP CELINE, WAKE UP.
YOU'VE GOT NOT MUCH TIME LEFT, SO SNAP OUT OF EVERYTHING!

FIRST DAY OF TERM 2

School is forcing me off the cliff. I can't get what the lecturers are saying most of the time. Esp fer Economics. Every now and then, everyone is discussing about promos, retaining, dropping out. Why, why! Chill man, its only first day of term 2! Can't stand it.

Once again the problem surfaced. Recalled the last time that it causes my heart to flicker, was a few months ago. Bidding goodbye to it, with hopes that it would never ever return to me. But what's with it again. Who would render me his help when I'm feeling helpless. Who is willing to be that pillar to provide me w strength. Who can kindly whisper an encouragement into my ears. The beginning sound so much just like how 2 strangers would eventually be the best of friends, but the events and episodes causes it to sound like a ridiculous love story that shouldn't have even taken place. Who knows maybe one day, I might be able to successfully pretend that I do not know you. And maybe, after a decades, I might be able to have really forgotten you. I wanna move on, I wanna have nothing to do w you. What's keeping me?

Finally after many training sessions, the selection results are out! We've been kept under suspense fer quite sometime, and coach has been using selections to push us further and further during trainings. Well, I've made it to become the 2nd keeper of the main team. :D

I suppose training will become tougher as nationals are really getting nearer each day. And so, my stress level is indirectly proportional to the no. of days left to nationals. Well, I do agree that I love participating in matches, where I get to get in contact w the ball. That was why initially I chose to play outfield as a defender. When I become a keeper, my stand had to change. I'd rather stand in front of the goalpost fer 70mins without touching the ball.

As a defender, if I happen to lose possession of the ball, I would still have a chance to chase aft the ball. As a keeper, if I happen to lose possession of the ball, that would make the score different. Although no one in the team would point their fingers at me or question me, my guilt will just surface. There I am, standing right in front of the goalpost, watching the other 10 players, running all around the places, fighting hard to get the ball into the opponent's goal post. Maybe only scoring once after buckets of sweat have been shed. While I, on the other hand, just have to fault in a split second to ruin all their efforts.

I was overjoyed when I received the text saying that I'm officially in the main team. But after a few hours, I wonder if it is really worth the joy.

THREE CHEERS FOR MARCH HOLIDAYS!

Yup, the much anticipated March Holidays have finally started! Hurrays? Thinking about it, when did March holidays matter so much to me? I must have been so desperate fer holidays that I'm starting to get fascinated and feel the adrenalin rush fer just a pathetic ONE WEEK break. If I hadn't chosen Junior College, I wouldn't even care whether this March Holidays exist or not!

Looking at the stack of work I have to complete, I reckon that the majority of this holidays will be spent working on finishing everything up. Lesser time to spend time with people whom I really really miss hanging out with.

Thinking about how time zoom passes me since the day I've entered Mjc until now. I've realised a few months ago, when I had nothing to do, I'd call up the usual try to arrange to meet the very next hour, or would just lie on the bed and eventually go to another world. I would always hope that school starts the next day, and I'll have something to occupy myself with. Now that school have officially been going on, time passes incredibly fast. I never fail to ask fer more time, more energy to go through each day. How ironic.

Wordy wordy post, but I doubt anyone reads it.
ha, its time to sleep!
Goodnight Celine.

U grade is so far the best grade I've gotten fer all my subject. In the past, it used to seem all so impossible to get that U grade no matter how bad I did in the test. But now, even when I try to attempt all the questions, I can never surpass that U grade. Like what the lecturer have said, I shouldn't be giving myself excuses fer the really embarrassing grades I have.

Celine buck up!

Well, I've not been updating my blog fer the past weeks. Mainly because I cannot find the energy and time to do so. Unknowingly, it has came to the end of term 1. According to the other teachers, this is one of the only holidays that we don't have to study and we should enjoy it while it last. Tell me the joy in it.

The only holiday that we don't have to study?
We've got e-learning topics piled up, assignments and tutorials as usual. I believe the workload is even heavier than the normal week at school. So tell me how true is 'we don't have to study'.

Soccer training is stepping up once again. I've kinda anticipated this to happen, since Nationals are coming. But I never expect such intensity. The trainings days are now rather scary. Imagine training every Monday evening, Wednesday morning and evening, Friday evening and maybe Saturday morning. Oh man~ its really scary.

Other than that, I've got back my Chemistry test. HAHA! Guess what! Celine scored 8 out of 25, and is currently the 2nd best in class, tie w this other guy that has tuition. Haha! Okay, its nothing to be proud of anyway, cos after all I've failed. Gosh. I thought to be able to survive in Jc, you just have to be consistently hard working, but I'm convinced its more than that now.

CELINE IS DEPRESSED!

k, now that the first quarter of school has ended. It means that mids are soon coming followed by promos. Too soon to think now? Ha, I'm sure its coming in no time.

What a weird style of blogging. Who cares.
Tata.

After all the trials and selections, I've been posted to soccer. Yes its soccer again!

Today is the first official training, and the seniors have match against Innova. 2-1, Mj won! I got to play fer like 15 mins, left mid. I think I did damn badly la. Not only did I miss the balls that came in my direction, I blocked a ball somehow. Sorry!

Realised I miss the game they played against TP, or else I would be able to see Kua and the rest of the TP soccer players in action! ha. School is getting more hectic each day. Today is just the start of cca. I really hope I can cope.

Got posted into Meridian Junior College (Science).

This is already the second week of school.
Going into Meridian Junior College seriously meant starting from scratch. Evidently, I am the only one from Deyi that went into that school. Which explains why I was alone throughout the entire orientation period. Managed to mingle and start talking to the people in my class. Hopefully I would be able to make more friends as time goes by.

Done choosing school, choosing subject combinations and now left w the selections of cca. Was initially really tempted to do canoe, but after seeing the field and how popular soccer is in MJC, I had this sudden surge of emotions that made me so keen to join soccer. I shall pray hard, hope hard and wish wish wish that I'll end up in soccer.

Yeh, beside soccer, I'm seriously keen on council. HAHA! But in Meridian Junior College, Council is like a BIG BIG thing. In order to end up in there, one not only has to go through interviews, but to hold elections like how PAP does them. One still has to prepare speech to be presented in front of the whole school and the people that decides whether one should be part of council is the school. So one will need the school's students' votes.

Alrights, wordy wordy post. Shall go turn myself into a complete mugger now.

Happy Chinese New Year! (:


Sorry my friend.

CHRISTMAS SUNDAY (: