as i hv promised darren, i shall really really mk myslf clear. haiis. i wonder if by doing so, whthr gt use anots. but i will nt break e promise. you want me to clearly explain tht 2 dates, thn i explain lors.

start with o7apr 'o6-

you should knw. whatever tht hv happened tht day. today one month le. i donwan to be gvn false hope, can you understand? i donwan. tht day, i was totally dumbfounded. i regretting agreeing to break. can!?

i am angry with myslf for nt breaking tht promise. really angry, but what can i do? i lived with regret for one month. i really regretted. i still hv those letters, i still hv those memories. but do you knw sth? all those cant be compared to those times. i missed those days dearly. i missed everything, every single thing.

nw 27apr 'o6-

haiis. i still cant figure out what i did wrong. why did i lose my positn? all i dd was to be late for a meeting tht wasnt arranged by me, what more, was a last min notice. is not fair to me. i tried to be happy tht day, i tried to smile. walked back with shauna tht evening to sch, thn band dismiss. followed behind u. knew u were crying, but e useless me donknw what to say to cheer u up. went to bubble tea shp, wanted to cheer u up, but donknw why nvr talk to u. i roughly knw what happened, yet e useless me was self fish, ddnt cheer u up. aft thr u left, and so, i went hm. received e call. confirmed e lost of e positn, my heart was totally shattered. how many yrs of hardwork. GONE.

im angry with myslf for losing e positn.

im angry with myslf for being useless and self fish, not being able to cheer my own friend up. But just stand there like a dumb.

now, darren, understand why those 2 dates meant so much to me?

one is totally because i lost someone dear, someone whom i totally loved. another because i broke my promise.

like what andrea say-

i am unfair and self fish. i totally agree.

like what germaine always say-

i am dumb. i totally agree too.

and, like what i am called-

useless. i totally agree too.

put them all together-

i am unfair, self fish, dumb and useless.