Its probably the last time.
Yes indeed, with the least conviction I can muster right now, its the last time.

till the next time you head is next to mine,
till the next time I hear you breathe,
till the next time your smell overwhelms me.

I'm on my own.

Why out of all that I know, it has to be you?
What is my response supposed to be?
Your choice, cos its your life.

And indeed, June holidays is coming to an end.

Embraced, recharged. Move on.

Am I immune to this horrible neglected, shunned aside feeling?
Or have I chosen to persuade myself that all of these are just my wayward thoughts?

I do declare that friends are my infinite source of motivations each time I'm struck. Their company is where I find myself recharged after feeling exhausted from all the mundane life cycle that I go through.
But what do I do, or how am I suppose to cope when I feel that my energy bars are running out?

Its so much like a sugar rush effect. When I'm tired, when I feel so encouraged to break down, I take gulps of red bull. Energized by the sugar rush effect, I continue my routines. But when the sugar rush effects wears off, I find myself worse off than initially. Should I have not taken those gulps of red bull?

I really miss those days when we're stuck in Deyi. We may not be the best school in town, but I believe the friendships and company are the best I can ever ask for in my life. I regret, I regret not paying enough attention to my friends, not dedicating enough of my time to them. Well, at that very moment, I may have thought I was doing enough. But thinking back now, it's more of quantity than quality.

Embarking on a new journey ahead.. Lifting my first foot, hesistating if I should step into this self proclaimed torture. Before my foot hit the road willingly, a strong force pushed me into all of it. I don't have a choice. I just had to carry everything out, just as I am supposed to.
Hence, I entered MJC, not knowing a single one there. Telling myself, I'd probably be able to find friends easily in a new environment. And of course, I really bothered to keep in contact with probably those who mattered a world to me. Unknowingly, I realised that I've actually walked through a quarter of hell, with buckets of sweat and bins of soaked tissues.
And now I ask myself, what's real to me?

Lately I've been thinking alot, much about what and how I'm going to drive this plain torture until it hits a brightly litted street.
Celine, what do you really want in life?
I ever once promise myself that in future, I would not seek for fortune, because I don't want to be best friends with those coloured papers. I remember myself sharing this with my mum, I told her. I will find a group of friends that would last until I die. With them, I don't have to worry whether I would get attached. I could still remember the smile on her face, she just replied me, my dear that's only when you can find them. Confidently, I assured her that I'll find myself sitting in a coffee shop with my dearest friends chatting when I'm 50 and they will also be the ones present when I'm on my deathbed. And even if friends don't exist, I told her I have my cousins.

Such pride and confidence I have in myself. A few years ago, I found a need to re-evaluate this speech. My cousins left me. Hence, once again, I tell myself I'll have my inexhaustible loving friends beside me till the point that I'm called to leave the world.

With half a pill of faith left in me, I swallowed the harsh cold fact. Slowly getting over how I've lost my dearest cousins. The ones I've grew up with and knew best about. With that half a pill of faith, I thought I could conquer the rest of my life.

And tonight, I sense the need to re-think about my speech again. Before I start thinking of how to say it, maybe I'll first like to know what's real in my life.
The tangible, the intangible. The right-before-my-eyes, the diminishings.

My love, my best friends, my good friends, my friends, my acquaintances.
Maybe it was just all hallucinations.

the june break is finally here! :D

guess that sounds like a joyous matter worthy for a champagne. but the school seemed to have misinterpreted the meaning of a holiday, hence, its stained. we have extended lectures, we go to school like poly students for this extra days, teachers book the class for extra tutorials.

well, it still sound pretty relaxing, and at least, we're not required to wake up at 6 every morning. but on top of it all, our first day of holidays started with a huge bang! every year ones very first official paper in MJ. Gp MYE. after which, we are supposed to go for our end of term II bash.

and as usual, the school have either misinterpreted the meaning of a bash or they have named this event wrongly. the bash ended up being visiting ancient civilisation museum, followed by watching monster vs alien in lido. wow! I would have given up the bash for such an amazing tour -.-!

My body finally decided that, hey this isn't how I should be spending this crucial June break. As such, I fell sick on Monday night. Obtained a MC, and tadaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I've not been in school since the end of Monday. Kudos to my great immune system, it has chosen to fall sick at the right time. I've been slacking at home, doing nothing but to eat and sleep. Never had I felt rested enough. Thanks, I love myself more now.

Have to go down to school tmr. For something that I'd rather get to know from a third party. The announcement of our exco positions. It wouldn't surprise me if I don't get it. Cos after last friday, 29th May, I've already told myself that that's it. I've tried, I've done what I could. But if she would to get it, I'd be utterly shocked and disappointed.
Let's see whether is it a surprise or an already anticipated outcome awaiting for the team.

My very first semi-finals I've been to in my soccer career.
My very first time entering Jalan Besar Stadium.
My very first time crying for a match that I did not play.

Before having lunch, we watched a video. A summation of mainly the year2's journey thus far. Tho we were not part of it, but we were definitely touched by all who made it possible for us to come so far. Namely our coach and the teachers-in-charge. Being reminded that coach's stay in our team is dependent on today's match. We were even more determined that we had to win!

In that changing room, we roared. We promised to play our v best. We promised to never give up. Shouting- FINALS, HERE WE COME! Even out at the field, we still had that phrase ringing in our ears. Again and again, we screamed we roared.

SA being always in our half, posed us great trouble. By half time, we barely had even 1 scoring chance. Watching the players lie flat on the pitch, I thought it is going to be a replay of VJ's match. They went in, played even better than the first half. Many shed blood, literally! Yet quickly brushing the blood on their faces away, afraid that the referee would send them out. Many sprained their ankle, limping away in the field chasing after the ball. When coach wanted to sub them out, their argued so badly just to be able to continue playing.

By the whistle that we termed heavenly, the referee told us we were given 10-10 extra time. This would mean our bleeding, injured players had to carry on defending for another 20 min. This time round SA was still hyped up and always trying to score. But for every ball that SA shot, there was a meridian body to block it.

The whistle blew. SA cheered. MJ kept slient. Penalty shootout, something that we knew we had a disadvantage over SA. One by one. They shot. Keepers dived. 3-4

We lost.
We lost our chance to enter finals.
We lost our team target.
We were so close, so close.

RIJC vs MJC, 22nd May, Jalan Besar Stadium.

now thinking that in 2 more weeks it'll be over, and it'll be farewell for seniors. I feel the butterflies in my stomach. I've not much idea when did I started feeling attached to the individuals in the team. Each and everyone inside the team taught me many valuable lessons in this short period of time. Gosh, believe farewell would be a really teary and crappy event that most of us dread.

yes, 2 weeks. MSG is left w 2 weeks to prove our worth. tho we've lost to VJC (which is indeed a stronger team), we would press on in the seasons. :D coming tues, SEMI-FINALS against SAJC. if we win them, we'd be through the semis going onto the finals. YES, FINALS!

Guess apart from soccer, there's nothing good to blog about. Leaving studies and results out of the picture, my college life is indeed an enjoyable journey thus far.

Moved on.