since im back hm early. hahahhs. i shall post early.

to andrea-

in e dictionary. there are relatively two different meanings of e word friend.

1. a person whom u knw well and whom u like a lot, bt who is usually nt a member of yr family.
2. someone who is not an enemy and whom u can trust.

i used to blv ths word.. bt ever since e start of ths yr, esp ths term. ths word doesnt seemed to apply in my life anymore. we call each other friends, isnt it a general term? yea, im self fish and unfair. but hv i been treated fairly? just let my ans to whatever yr qn is be donknw. my trust in e word friend is totally gone. can!? it doesnt mean that i don trust u guys. i just hv no confidence in myslf to become u pple friend anymore. no longer ba. i can only be regarded as a burden. thats all.

to cheekwun-

it was safe just now. just let me be. i don hv all e time in e world to wait for tht man to turn green thn cross like normal pple anymore. i need to walk faster thn everybody else, because i am gvn a time frame. thanks for all yr concern.

to monica-

i donknw. i don dare to trust anyone anymore. i am prepared to go everywhr just wit my shadow accompanying me. i can nvr bring myslf to trust anyone anymore. no more. so sorry. its not tht i don trust u. its all my fault. im terribly sorry.

to you-

i think u don come back le. stay thr and complete yr other 9 tracks. its nt worth it for u to come back.

to you-

i am sorry for what hv happened to u frm thn till nw. everything its my fault. if only i could hv spend more time with u to understand u thn thngs wouldnt be tht way. yea, im self fish. its my fault. its nt yrs. i hv nvr held grudges against you or anyone else. whenever i see u like tht, i can only blame myslf either for nt doing what i could hv done or to what i hv done. and ya, sorry for tht evening. i couldnt brng myslf to talk to u. let all be my fault. other than saying sorry to u, i donknw what else i can say. im just a useless friend and i failed to be a friend.

i donknw whr to start from, i hv been deceiving myslf. gvng myslf totally nonsensical excuse to all my doubts. if i don blame it on myslf, thn i blame it on who? alrdy towards u, i got a huge sense of gulit. even if i use my lifetime to return it to u, i wil nvr be able to pay it back. a thousand sorry i owe u. a thousand apology. and i will literally pay it back to u. haiis.

whn i post, and start thnkng of e day's event, i will ask myslf whthr i shld gv up. but, whn it comes to e day, i just cant gv up. im doing everything blindly nowadays. time and tide waits for no man. i don hv e whole lifetime to understand you, am only gvn a restrictd time. yet i am nvr gvn tht opportunity or chance to do so. instead of wanting u to understand me, its u tht i wanna understand.

can i ask what hv i done wrong tht i deserve such treatments?