played maple with ros&kai. cant get to slp. partially because of what happened today&but mostly because of you. was determined to try to let go. but when i thought of what i said to you, i cant let go. it was a pact i made with myslf. i told you i mean everything i say&i ever told you tht i wont let go&im scared to lose you, fer i need you.


and ya,
i wont. hanging in there because of what i said. i aint keeping ths alive because of e pact, but it is because i really need you ba. e thought set me on thinking, reducing me to tears. but at e end of it, i couldnt bear to let you go. somehow, e importance of you grew in me and you mean more now, compared to the past. leadng to every crisis to make me blv in e need of you, making you someone more dear to me.


i nvr asked anythng fer you, all i did was to ask myslf to do more fer you. and maybe unknwingly, im causing myslf to sink into deep thoughts&depression. moodless days i hv lived. cant smile at all. hais. who knows why when i donknw know why. somethings that you hv said&frgtn, but it will always be in my mind. nth can explain why i am like tht.


ltr at o7.15. hais. missed, missing, am gna miss. fer e number of days u're in thr, i will. hoping tht u can hv fun ba.


in e evening hv bbq, hais. i donknw what to say. can i not go? blehs. do i hv a choice? forcing me to e edge of e cliff. don wish to go. got no mood. don force me to do anythng, am gna appear and just sit thr. its my choice not urs. you don hv a say. stop using ur authority to pressure me, may be scared in e past, but not now. get it in thr ba, i fear of nth now. not even death. thr is only one things i fear. but it doesnt hv anythng to do with you.