ai zhen de xu yao yong qi?
thats what e song sings, is it true?

qing bu yao zai li kai wo de shen bian?
i hear my cries in the song.

yuan lai ai qing zhe me shang,
bi xiang xiang zhong hai nan.
lei shui zhong shi bu ting hua.
those kinda feeling just kills, just hurt.

i keep asking myself, why must i contradict whatever i show everyone each day with my own feelings. telling everyone im fine, showing everyone celine is smiling, yet in my heart, celine nvr smiled. i kept contradicting my actions with my thoughts. doing what i dont wanto.
deluding myslf also being essential in my daily life. waking up in e morning, looking into e mirror telling myself im fine. displaying smiles in front of e mirror. selecting the crazy level i wan in e day.
which of e day, do i show my true self? do i take down the mask that i select in e morning? doubting my importance on e earth. questioning about my existence.

searched deeply fer e answer, but i realised that its shallow. reached out far to grab hold of a pillar, yet i realised infront of me is a never ending road. tipping toe to look wads ahead of me, al i see was just more huddles. fabricated fairy tale story, recite it to myslf at night, each time i couldnt slp. & as i hear myslf, tears fall when i put my imagination & reality tgt.